


high and low.

by hyacinthsfics



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, F/M, This hurts, Tsukiyama - Freeform, one sided pining, tadashi's in love with his best friend, tsukkiyama - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2018-06-30
Packaged: 2019-05-31 00:10:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15107660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyacinthsfics/pseuds/hyacinthsfics
Summary: yamaguchi is high and low on his feelings for tsukishima.





	high and low.

**Author's Note:**

> kind of inspired by high and low by greg laswell but not really ?? its a nice song tho
> 
> also buckle up kids its gonna get angsty

  Yamaguchi realizes he's in love with his best friend on the Sunday afternoon following his fourteenth birthday. 

  
  The sun is sinking into the horizon and Tsukishima's window is open, allowing the setting sun's soft orange and red rays fall over the blonde's ivory skin and paint him a beautiful kaleidoscope of colors. Yamaguchi's heart stammers in his chest and a lump rises in his throat. Since when has Tsukishima been so _beautiful_? It's as if he's a marble statue, carved by a delicate, talented touch, that encapsulates the vision of a sun god in it's athletic, stunning youth. Tsukishima's glasses are resting on the bedside table and he glances out of the window with wide, golden eyes that reflect the scenery of the outside, a childish enamored expression settled on his face. Yamaguchi thinks he should really look outside to see what the fuss is about, but he finds he can't take his eyes off of Tsukishima. And suddenly, the sun falls from the sky and Tsukishima closes the window and puts his glasses back on. The image is already seared into Yamaguchi's brain and the damage has been done. 

  
  A few minutes later, Yamaguchi walks home alone, the glow of the lampposts his only company in the dark, unsettling newly fallen night. His stomach twists and turns and his heart flips in his chest when he dares to think about Tsukishima. He feels broken, abnormal, an outsider. How is he supposed to cope with a feeling like this? 

  
\---

  
  Yamaguchi falls out of love with his best friend on the Sunday night following his fifteenth birthday. 

  
  Tsukishima stands in the rain, looking less than impressed with their current situation. Yamaguchi swears he can feel his heart fracture in two when Tsukishima gives a bitter laugh and pushes up his glasses, which have accumulated tiny drops along the lenses. 

  
  "What are you, a dog?" he prods, stuffing his hands in his pockets. The question makes his mouth taste bitter, and he attempts to swallow it down along with the lump in his throat. 

  
  "A dog?" Yamaguchi inquires weakly, Tsukishima's figure blurring due to the heavy rain and a sudden onslaught of tears. A shiver racks through him as the rain soaks through the thin jacket he'd shrugged over his shoulders mere minutes ago. 

  
  "Yes, Yamaguchi, a dog. All you know is what I say, all you do is follow me, it gets old at times, don't you think?" Tsukishima asks plainly, closing his eyes and huffing a sarcastic laugh. "Lay off a little, yeah?" 

  
  "I'm not- I'm not a dog!" Yamaguchi argues, clenching his hands into fists at his sides. The tension causes his wrists to quiver, and soon enough, his shoulders are shaking with sobs he forces himself to suppress. 

  
  "Always so emotional," Tsukishima jabs, rolling his eyes. "You're so-"

  
  "Shut up, Tsukki!" Yamaguchi cries, feeling hot, wet tears cast down his cheeks, clashing with the cold rain that soaks his body to the core, along with Tsukishima's words. "You're such-" He chokes on a sob. "You're such an ass!" 

  
  If Tsukishima has a reply, it dies on his lips. He stares at Yamaguchi in astonishment, his cold, gold eyes widened. A small, condescending smile flourishes on his parted lips. 

  
  "Alright, Yamaguchi. Thanks for your input," he mocks dismissively. 

  
  "You think I'm kidding?" Yamaguchi inquires hotly, his voice heavy and thick with emotion. "I guess you've lost a friend and a teammate, then." His voice quivers as he tries to keep it even and confident. And then, with abandon, he gathers his wet, discarded duffel bag and slings it over his quivering shoulder. He turns his back to Tsukishima's figure and marches home, never looking back

  
  The day later he's sick. 

  
  And he hasn't spoken to Tsukishima since.

\---

  Yamaguchi falls back in love with his best friend on the Saturday morning before his sixteenth birthday. 

    
  Tsukishima stands on his doorstep with a tub of Yamaguchi's favorite cookies and a plastic bag full of movies. Yamaguchi lets him in and accepts his apology, and they spend the night watching those and snacking on lemon ginger cookies. Tsukishima seems intent on examining the movie - something about a dinosaur park - yet Yamaguchi's mind wanders elsewhere. His gaze settles on Tsukishima, who studies the movie with eyes full of awe and interest. Yamaguchi feels a small smile tug on his lips when Tsukishima begins whispering the words to himself, rehearsed and known, as if he'd seen it a thousand times. Yamaguchi doesn't doubt he has. The deepest part of Yamaguchi desires to reach forward and turn Tsukishima's face so he's looking at Yamaguchi like that. With pure love and adoration and fascination. Yamaguchi just wants Tsukishima to be remotely _interested_ in him. He wants to scream his crush to the world; he wants to tell everyone he is in love with Tsukishima Kei and he's not afraid to show it. 

  
  Except he _is_ afraid to show it. 

  
  "You're missing the movie," Tsukishima murmurs, so Yamaguchi turns his head and swallows the words on his tongue.

 

\---

 

  Yamaguchi feels as if a fissure has splintered his heart the Monday afternoon following his seventeenth birthday. 

  
  "Yamaguchi, I want you to meet my girlfriend,  Yamasaki Mitsuki." 

  
  Yamaguchi's entire world shatters and falls to his feet and he _swears_ on every _single_ fiber of his being he catches his heart fracture in his chest. A lump rises in his throat and he has to blink to clear the burning from his eyes. Never could he have imagined this moment. He thought he had time - just a little bit more time before Tsukishima got too interested in girls and left him. Hell, Yamaguchi had hoped the day would never come. He had envisioned so many times, that Tsukishima would realize he likes boys - likes _Yamaguchi_ \- and this suffering they call _feelings_ would be reciprocated. 

  
  "It's nice to meet you, Yamaguchi-san," Yamasaki greets and bows her head. Yamaguchi quickly snaps out of his thoughts and mirrors the movement. 

  
  "It's nice to meet you too. But please, call me Tadashi," he offers, forcing a smile onto his face, and he flinches at how fake it must look - his bottom lip is quivering and he can't make it still. She grins back at him, obviously relieved it had gone so well with her boyfriend's best friend. _Best friend._ In the end, that is all Yamaguchi is. 

  
  "Then Mitsuki is okay for me," she says, deep, warm chocolate brown eyes mirroring the smile on her face. Yamaguchi's chest seizes and he can see why Tsukishima likes her; she's pretty and kind, and long dark, curly black hair cascades down her shoulders. Her eyelashes are thick and long and it seems as though she's wearing lip gloss, but Yamaguchi couldn't be sure. She's everything Yamaguchi has striven to be, and failed. He can't help but feel that _he's failed_. 

  
  "I have to go," Yamaguchi forces himself to choke out. "See you at practice, Tsukki."

  
  "Yeah," Tsukishima dismisses.

  
  And Yamaguchi can't help it and it aches deep in his chest, but for the second time in all of his life, Yamaguchi turns his back in resentment on his best friend. 

**Author's Note:**

> soory,, sksks this was supposed to be a full fic but i?? never write unhappy endings? suffer with me thanks 
> 
> also thanks for reading !! i hope you enjoyed <3


End file.
